He was born by caesarean section on December 25th, 1918, in Madison, Wisconsin. Nearly institutionalized at an early age, he surprised doctors with his above normal intelligence, unusual in such cases. He attended public schools in Madison. His bizarre appearance led to his being ostracized by fellow students. Outside of school one day, he was struck by an open beer can flung from the window of a passing car by some high school bullies. Slowing down, they taunted him with jeers, insults and threats. Speeding off, the car unexpectedly veered to the left, and struck an ancient Oak, killing three of the occupants. A fourth occupant became severely agoraphobic, and confined himself largely in his bedroom closet for the next 41 years. After this, he was left alone by other students. Three days after graduating from high school, he forgot to turn sideways while walking through a door (as he was forced to do his entire life) at a local candy store and knocked himself out cold. He was in a coma for three weeks. When he recovered, he was able to speak fluent Swedish. Doctors never resolved this mystery. Although he had a multitude of eyes, he was blind in two of them, having shot them out with a bee bee gun as a child. As a young adult, he dabbled in painting, and was barely able to make a living by selling his paintings on street corners or at local festivals. People purchased his paintings out of pity or because they thought it was cool to have a painting by that weird looking guy. Unfortunately, no surviving paintings can be located, and no image was ever recorded of them. However, it is said they were all signed with a one inch brush, dipped in Cadmium Red Medium, in Swedish. Andy Warhol is said to have purchased one of his paintings. When he was 25, he inherited a large sum of money from an uncle. He lived with his eccentric mother until her death a few years later. At this time, 47 cats were removed from the home by local authorities. He continued to occupy the house, until his own death in 1972. After his death it was discovered that he had a collection of 1,756 vintage ladies compacts kept in a shopping cart in his bedroom. He had apparently collected them from the local St. Vincent de Paul’s thrift shop over the years. He also had accumulated another 17 cats, one of whom had two tails, and another one of whom was probably half-dog. His body vanished from the funeral home while it was being prepared. Years later, a bizarre skull, matching his unique characteristics, was confiscated during a drug bust in Madison, apparently having been converted into a bong. It wound up in the possession of a distant relative, who had it restored, and then tried to sell it on Ebay. However, the relative forgot to indicate that it was being sold for educational purposes only, and the auction was cancelled. It was later obtained by the Anthropology Department at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, and added to a large collection of pathological specimens in the Social Sciences building. At this time it was photographed. When an inventory was conducted on the collection some years later, the skull turned up missing, along with the skull of the half dog/half cat. The skull clearly shows the ravages of his habitual candy consumption.
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